For the love of God.

PLEASE!!! If you purchase a router, learn how to f-ing use it before calling us here at Charter, if it takes you 10 minutes to understand the need to bypass it to see if the issue is router related (Yes, I know you've had it for 3 months and that it's brand new and never had a problem before in the entire life of the known universe,) or modem and possibly server related.

If we bypass your router, and suddenly your pc is working great, BAM! You know the issue, don't ask me "How can this happen?" You know what you did to make it happen, and if you didn't then shutup and don't purchase a router or PC ever again.

If we're still getting slow speeds on this with a direct connection to the modem, then stop surfing those pr0n sites and downloading every video you can find, those did in fact add spyware and viruses to your PC, causing your speed to no longer be 5MB, but instead 2MB (wow! 2MB, how the hell did we ever survive before broadband with a 1200 baud and 9600 baud modem?!? Blasphemy!)

If all this fails, and the QCR file shows us there is server side issues, please do not berate me cause you waited 10 days to call in, only to find out we'll investigate it now that we finally know you're having an issue. We're not psychics, cause if we where, we would so just hit the lottery and say screw you.

Am I an asshole? Yes :)