It's not my router...

"Hate this fuckin charter bullshit, its a wonder i dont go kill some of those stupid motherfuckers there!"

To which I reply:

"Is your modem plugged in? Have you bypassed your router?"

Customer just says "It's noy my fucking router!" Then I hear a scream, a "Well Fuck!" some rustling, I see the modem suddenly kick in on our end. My new response is "Don't fucking call me when you are a fucking idiot, go DIAF you fuckingbitch."