Does this mean I'll be without Internet?

Yes.

Seriously, what kind of moron asks:

"So this means I'll be offline until a tech checks my lines to fix this -68 downstream and 8.3 upsteram?"

Do you believe I'm sitting here with a knob in front of me and purposely turning your internet with bad levels? All this just so we can sign you up for wiremaintenence or charge you a service call charge? Just for sending a tech out when you're inside wiring has gone bad because you nailed a photo that you took with such great pride that really sucks into the wall?

Yes, that picture you just hung up went right through our cable line behind the wall, and without the wire plan, we are going to charge you $36 (give or take) for the service call. Then we're going to charge you per hour, then for a wallfish, and then for a new outlet.

Now you're thinking "What good does this wiremaintenence plan do me honestly?" Well, I'll tell ya, anything we send a tech out to you for, with the exception of installing anything or just to do a new outlet because you don't like where it's at, will be free of charge. Even if it's just to tell you that the monitor saying "Check Signal" means to check the line going from the PC (Brains, Hard Drive, Tower, Motherboard, etc..) to the Monitor (PC, Screen, Flashy Box, TV, Picture Tube, Thing with pretty colours, etc..) and make sure it's plugged in. No, we won't do it for you.

Now listen here, just because you ask for a supervisor, it doesn't mean you'll get anything taken care of better than what I can. If you're nice to us, then we will contact dispatch and attempt to see if we can get something pulle sooner if it's available, and if dispatch says no, then even a manager can't get them to say yes. We may have only two field techs for a 50 mile radius, and they on average may have 40 jobs a day a piece. If you want more techs and quicker turn around on repairs, then don't fight the prices going up, we honestly don't have control over that. Complain to NBC, CBS, ABC, Disney, and especially ESPN if you don't like cable price hikes. If we refuse to add ESPN College to the sports pak only, then ESPN threatens to pull all ESPN owned programming, and who get the downfall of that? Yes, your cable provider does, because you call to bitch us out.

Remember, you're paying for a luxury, not a necessity. No, you child doesn't NEED to watch Dora the Explora or Barney TNG. You do not need to see the odd ending of The Alto's or the Sex in the Nursing Home reunion in 2010. Cable TV is for entertainment purposes only, and so is the Internet. Again, for the "I run my business from this" responses to this post, please look for all entries I made pertaining to the terms "Business," "Businesses" and "Idiots."

There are a lot more useful things you could be doing with your time and money. Go out with your kids, take them to a park, an art fesitval, a Jazz show, the theatre. No not to the movies see Harry Potter for the sixth time, but to a real theatre to see actors on stage. Go to a museum and learn about this countries past, both the good and the bad. Take a hiking trip or a canoe trip, take some kayak lessons, there is a hell of a lot more to life than sitting on your ass watching who adds and deleted you on MySpace or watching the same stupid videos on Youtube and Pickle.

Did you know that the lions who plagued Africa as seen in the movie "The Ghost and the Darkness" are on display at the Field Museum in Chicago?

No, bet you didn't, because you haven't left your house since Val Kilmer was in an AfterSchool Special for anything other than McDonald's or for Killians Irish Red. You fat slob piece of crap you are. No, not really, I keed keed! I really love you guys :-p You pay me! Of course I lova ya'll!